NO N!GGA NOOO

If I could give out awards to stupid people doin stupid thangs I would call them the dildo awards. And today Sean Kingston got the golden glass dildo award.. Now I know that he still young; but if you think that in this day and age, that you can FedEx $500,000.00 worth of bling than you have to be a little dumb and a crack head. Dummy Sean decided to have his sister send his huge necklace that he always sporting from L.A. to a New York Jeweler. Unfortunately, the box appeared a day late and empty! The worst part is that his sister only insured the jewels for $500.00. The L.A. County Sheriff’s Department is now on the case and of course Im sure they already split the $ from the chain and Im expectin my cut tax refund still.  OMG Sean please dont come out with another album cuz you think yu got talent still to try to pay for your dayum chain.

Nebraska Senator sues God

September 18, 2007

Creation of the Sun and Moon by Michelangelo, face detail of God.

Nebraska state Senator Ernie Chambers, who represents legislative District 11 in North Omaha, filed an unusual lawsuit on Friday. According to court documents obtained by Wikinews, Chambers has decided to sue God, looking for a judge to issue a “permanent injunction” against the highest power.

Senator Chambers.
Image: State of Nebraska

Chambers says in his suit that God has spread fear across the globe causing “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants. [God also caused] fearsome floods, horrendous hurricanes, earthquakes, plagues, famine, genocidal wars, birth defects, terrifying tornadoes and the like” and he wants the courts to order God “to cease certain harmful activities and the making of terroristic threats.”

The suit is in an apparent retaliation for a recent ruling where the words ‘rape’ and ‘victim’ were banned from a recent criminal case involving a sexual assault incident. The woman who was assaulted, Tory Bowen, filed a lawsuit against Jeffrey Cheuvront, a district judge in the city of Lancaster when he banned the use of those words in her criminal case. Chambers says that her lawsuit is “frivolous” and he filed his suit to show people that “anybody can sue anybody.”

“This lawsuit having been filed and being of such questionable merit creates a circumstance where my lawsuit is appropriately filed. People might call it frivolous but if they read it they’ll see there are very serious issues I have raised.” stated Chambers. “The Constitution requires that the courthouse doors be open, so you cannot prohibit the filing of suit. Anyone can sue anyone they choose, even God,” he added.

Richard Kopf, a U.S. District Judge has ordered that Bowen must show evidence to support her lawsuit, saying that her case does not have “any legal basis whatsoever” until she does so.

It is not known when or if any additional hearings have been scheduled. Mr Chambers complaint consists of in part, “despite reasonable efforts to effectuate personal service on Defendent God has been unable to do so.”

Attempts by a Wired News reporter to contact God for comment were not successful.

UM..  Dildo Awarded.

Smooth Move Ex-Lax

09-06-2007 – Little Rock , Arkansas
Security cam shows a man walking into a bank in Little Rock, handing a note to the teller that said this is a robbery , give me the money.
What the robber didn’t notice was a Police officer “in uniform” to his left.
The officer noticed what was going on and interrupted the “smooth” robbery.
After a short struggle they run out the door and eventually the robber gets arrested.
The suspect, 21 year-old Langston Robins, is being held on $250.000 bond.

Dildo Awarded.

WTF??

Miss Teen USA 2007 – Ms. South Carolina answers a question.. Well tries to at least.

Biker fails to notice missing leg

A JAPANESE biker failed to notice his leg had been severed below the knee when he hit a safety barrier, and rode on for 2km, leaving a friend to pick up the limb.

The 54-year-old office worker was out on his motorcycle with a group of friends in the city of Hamamatsu, west of Tokyo, yesterday, when he was unable to negotiate a curve in the road and bumped into the central barrier, the Mainichi Shimbun said.

He felt excruciating pain, but did not notice that his right leg was missing until he stopped at the next junction, the paper quoted local police as saying.

The man and his leg were taken to hospital, but the limb had been crushed in the collision, the paper said.

–No comment from the peanut gallery on this one. Just give that dildo his award.

Source

Woman Calls Police About ‘Fake’ Cocaine

A woman was arrested after she called police to help “get her money back” after she was unhappy with the crack cocaine she purchased.

Juanita Marie Jones, 53, called Rochelle Police late Thursday night after she purchased what she thought was a $20 piece of crack cocaine, according to police reports.

She told officers she broke the rock into three pieces and smoked one, only to discover the drugs were “fake.”

She took Officer Joel Quinn and Deputy John Shedd of the Wilcox County Sheriff’s Office into her kitchen and showed them the drugs, police said.

She was promptly arrested on charges of possession of cocaine….

OK.  Where should I start on this one? Your mad cuz your dealer gave you some whack shit so you go and call the cops on him..   Yes of course your gonna get arrested you dildo..  BUT what I want to know is if it wasnt really cocaine and was fake – say sugar, and she got arrested for possession of cocaine..   Cant she sue for wrongful arrest if technically its not cocaine?

Exotic Dancer Revives Client During Show

Source   Well what can I say..  Read the last line of this article.

“…Karpinski told police that Nantz offered him an unknown pill wrapped in a towel. He said he took the pill on his own free will and afterward did not remember anything until he woke up in the hospital, police said.”

You took a pill a stripper gave you wrapped up in a towel? WTF?  Take this Dildo Award too.. IDIOT!!

I’ve fallen and I can get up.

Watch this video.  What can I say.. As soon as I saw this I gave her the award.  CLASSIC CASE.. Long story short, if your gonna fake a fall in the store, make sure they dont got you on camera.  She gets the  Super Uber Dildo award (thats the one that vibrates and turns into a butterfly after 5 mins. of use).

THE DUMBEST GUY ON EARTH!

This picture is real – not doctored in any way – and was taken by a Transportation Supervisor for a company that delivers building materials for 84 Lumber. When he saw it in the parking lot of IHOP, he went to buy a camera to take pictures.

The car is still running, as can be witnessed by the exhaust.

The driver finally came back after the police were called, and was found crouched behind the rear of the car, attempting to cut the twine around the load! Luckily, the police stopped him and had the load removed.

The materials were loaded at Home Depot. Their store manager said they made the customer sign a waiver.

While the plywood and 2X4’s are fairly obvious, what you can’t see is the back seat, which contains – are you ready for this? – 10 bags of concrete @ 80 lbs. each.

They estimated the load weight at 3000 lbs. Both back tires exploded, the wheels bent and the rear shocks were driven through the floorboard.

And these people VOTE.

Boy Killed During Potty Training

Story. Ok this one gives me the chills but this dude definitely gets the dildoaward.. Check it.. A judge ruled that a teenager will be tried as an adult for the death of an 18-month-old boy whose mother testified that he was repeatedly swung like a bat against the wall when the teen became frustrated during toilet training. The girlfriend was pregnant with his baby and the baby he killed wasn’t even his.. Smooth move there Ex-Lax.. DILDO AWARDED..

Father Arrested leaving son in car while at work.

Story HE FORGOT TO TAKE HIM TO THE BABY SITTER??? WHAAATTTT How do you forget your son in the back of your car??? DILDO AWARDED..

His wife phoned him shortly before 3:30 p.m. to ask why the day care had called her to report that her son was not there, prompting Takemoto to race out to the SUV and find the lifeless body of his son still strapped in the car seat, the lieutenant said.

UPDATE: NO CHARGES WERE FILED AND HES FREE..

Public Access Dildo Award

Atlanta Public Access TV9 superstar Alexyss K. Tylor discusses Vagina Power and Penis Power with her mother. She’s dressed up as a pilot because she’s “piloting the pussy!” She also shares the truth about “nut brackets.”

Other lessons learned from this episode:
(Read AFTER you watch the video!)

– Y’all got to be the pussy police, because if y’all don’t be careful these men you are committing to is giving the dick away that’s got to go up in your vagina.

– A lot of men done took the wedding band off the finger because they know the wedding band is gonna be a noose around the nuts, a true “nut bracket” to lock them in and keep them in check so they don’t give it to nobody else.

– The penis and the testicles have no discretion because the pussy ain’t got no face.

– Men give dick away.

– A lot of men try to meet up with other women to ration a piece of the dick out.

– Government-rationed cheese is good but hard. It constipates and run up all in you and locks your bowels up.

– Men got to keep their nuts busy.

– Men get a “tingling” all in their nuts when their nuts bored. The nuts get bored skeetin off in the same throat..

Man fails school exams on 38th try

Check It.    Everything about this story is just wrong..

JAIPUR, India (Reuters) – A 73-year-old Indian farmer who vowed not to marry before passing his high school exams has failed to get through for the 38th time.

Shiv Charan Yadav has been taking the exams — normally given to schoolchildren at the age of 15 — every year since 1969, without success.

He was in his 30s when he first decided to better himself through education.

This year, he failed everything except Sanskrit, scoring only 103 out of a possible 600 points.

He said he found mathematics especially hard, blaming the subject for dragging down his score.

“Once I pass I want to get married to a girl who’s under 30,” Yadav, who lives alone in Kohari village in the western desert state of Rajasthan, told Reuters.

He is now revising for his 39th attempt next year.

I say WOW!!  Where do I start..  Lets see it takes you 38 tries and you still cant get your GED.. Last time you took it you got 103/600 (you get 10 pts just for writing your name dont you?)  Your 74 with no GED tryin to marry a 30 yr old. He may not be alive to take the test next year, so I guess he’ll die stupid and alone (but at least he will have his award for all his efforts). How do you spell LAWHOSER?  Hooked on Phonics worked for me, idiot. I’d give him the gold and platinum dildo if I had one..

Woman jailed for testicle attack

The Story OK.. This award goes to Amanda Monti. Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard. She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, and choked before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: “That’s yours.”

Im at a lost for words on this one, so no comments from the peanut gallery here.

Not So Smart Smart Driver

The owner of this car, and American NCP Car Parks employee – who used to work for NASA – managed to forget that he had a 15ft retractable mast stuck to the roof of his car as he drove under a low barrier at a car park in Luton, Bedfordshire.

Des Carmody, who took a picture of the calamity, said: ‘There was a loud bang and I turned to see the car rising up in the air to settle on its tailgate.’

The unhurt driver immediately phones his bosses to say, ‘I’ve had a bit of an accident. I’ve done something stupid.’

Now only if he knew he got an award for it..