Public Access Dildo Award

Atlanta Public Access TV9 superstar Alexyss K. Tylor discusses Vagina Power and Penis Power with her mother. She’s dressed up as a pilot because she’s “piloting the pussy!” She also shares the truth about “nut brackets.”

Other lessons learned from this episode:
(Read AFTER you watch the video!)

– Y’all got to be the pussy police, because if y’all don’t be careful these men you are committing to is giving the dick away that’s got to go up in your vagina.

– A lot of men done took the wedding band off the finger because they know the wedding band is gonna be a noose around the nuts, a true “nut bracket” to lock them in and keep them in check so they don’t give it to nobody else.

– The penis and the testicles have no discretion because the pussy ain’t got no face.

– Men give dick away.

– A lot of men try to meet up with other women to ration a piece of the dick out.

– Government-rationed cheese is good but hard. It constipates and run up all in you and locks your bowels up.

– Men got to keep their nuts busy.

– Men get a “tingling” all in their nuts when their nuts bored. The nuts get bored skeetin off in the same throat..

Man fails school exams on 38th try

Check It.    Everything about this story is just wrong..

JAIPUR, India (Reuters) – A 73-year-old Indian farmer who vowed not to marry before passing his high school exams has failed to get through for the 38th time.

Shiv Charan Yadav has been taking the exams — normally given to schoolchildren at the age of 15 — every year since 1969, without success.

He was in his 30s when he first decided to better himself through education.

This year, he failed everything except Sanskrit, scoring only 103 out of a possible 600 points.

He said he found mathematics especially hard, blaming the subject for dragging down his score.

“Once I pass I want to get married to a girl who’s under 30,” Yadav, who lives alone in Kohari village in the western desert state of Rajasthan, told Reuters.

He is now revising for his 39th attempt next year.

I say WOW!!  Where do I start..  Lets see it takes you 38 tries and you still cant get your GED.. Last time you took it you got 103/600 (you get 10 pts just for writing your name dont you?)  Your 74 with no GED tryin to marry a 30 yr old. He may not be alive to take the test next year, so I guess he’ll die stupid and alone (but at least he will have his award for all his efforts). How do you spell LAWHOSER?  Hooked on Phonics worked for me, idiot. I’d give him the gold and platinum dildo if I had one..

Woman jailed for testicle attack

The Story OK.. This award goes to Amanda Monti. Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard. She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, and choked before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: “That’s yours.”

Im at a lost for words on this one, so no comments from the peanut gallery here.

Not So Smart Smart Driver

The owner of this car, and American NCP Car Parks employee – who used to work for NASA – managed to forget that he had a 15ft retractable mast stuck to the roof of his car as he drove under a low barrier at a car park in Luton, Bedfordshire.

Des Carmody, who took a picture of the calamity, said: ‘There was a loud bang and I turned to see the car rising up in the air to settle on its tailgate.’

The unhurt driver immediately phones his bosses to say, ‘I’ve had a bit of an accident. I’ve done something stupid.’

Now only if he knew he got an award for it..

Man in wheelchair takes ride on semi’s grille

Heres the story. Ok this one is definately a classic. As he crossed Red Arrow Highway in front of a semi truck, he didn’t make the traffic light. The truck driver apparently didn’t see Carpenter and a collision occurred, causing the wheelchair’s handles to become lodged in the truck’s grille. Unable to hear Carpenter’s cries for help over the hum of the diesel engine, the truck driver continued down Red Arrow Highway at speeds of approximately 50 mph. Ok now this also gets a nomination.. My question is who should get the award for this one? The driver or the guy in the wheelchair. I mean if your in a wheelchair you prolly want to make sure that you make the light. Well this is what happens when you dont..

EXTRA: Click the link to hear the 911 calls made while dude was gettin dragged along.

Man gets murder charge in dragging death

Check This out. OK..  Hers a summary..  Officials said a minivan driven by Hamze, 24, struck a car carrying Hall, 44. Both vehicles stopped in traffic, and Hall got out of the car. Hamze hit her and drove off, lodging her underneath the moving vehicle for miles, officials said. She was pronounced dead at the scene. WHats funny and why he gets nominated is because i fyou read further…  Hamze has said he is innocent. Defense lawyer Jeffrey Voluck said he believed his client “was in fear he was going to get killed,” and that someone had threatened Hamze.

Dude how is a 44 year old woman gonna be intimidating to a 24 year old jerk..  I guess he was like phuck dat bitch she aint gettin my info..  Sucks she caint even file a insurance claim now.

Welcome to DildoAwards.com

Ok I bet your wondering what you are doing here.. Well dildoawards.com is an idea of mine that I came up with while reading news online.. Everyone sees a news link of stupid people doing stupid shit that gets some type of publicity. Not only that some even get reactions out of people.. Well the ones worth noting may end up here.. Some are so amazing or outlandish that they deserve an award. So I bring you dildoawards.com..

I bet your now asking Why a dildo? Because, its a tool.. And if it gets an award then someone or something needs to be slapped directly in the face with a phat one.

Feel free to comment on any of the posts.. Its peoples reactions that make things funny most times. If you would like to submit your own story for nomination please send an email to dildo [at] dildoawards.com with a link to the story and your comments on why it should be nominated..